United You Stand
My wife and I have found the most important ingredient to successful parenting, beyond a faith in God, is a united front. The quotes relating to this subject are innumerable: “United we stand, divided we fall”; “Teamwork makes the Dream work”; “Behold, how good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.”
It’s really amazing how ignorant we were in parenting skills when we had our first child. Don’t get me wrong, we read all the new baby books you did when you were expecting so we could keep our child alive and from crying all night. But, how many books teach you the skills of surviving a self centered, ego-centric, all consuming little human being? Fortunately we found some great mentors and books that helped us in our 23-year journey through the trials and joys of parenting.
My wife and I (she’s the smart one) understood that our children where temporary renters destined to leave the nest and that one day Lucia and I would still need to be friends. At all costs we needed to keep that in perspective and build our relationship as the number one priority. All this will make more sense in the teenage years when nothing makes sense. Let’s save that for another blog.
One of the most important concepts we were taught was that you should never argue with or counterman your spouses directives in front of the kids. If you do they will take advantage and learn to play dad against mom. It is really amazing how naturally they pick up this skill. So if one parent says no to something that the other parent feels isn’t quite right, like playing on the roof, you approach your spouse in private and share your input. Then the original parent can approach the kids and say, “Come to think of it, you’re only six you might get hurt playing on the roof.” This approach keeps one parent from undermining the authority and respect by the other. Spouses need to be champions for their spouse in what they say and do in front of the kids. If you don’t respect each other the kids won’t either. Disrespect is very contagious and attitudes are caught more then they are taught. Although, this may be a difficult task, separated and divorced parents need to invest more energy into maintaining unity in front of the kids. In all my years I never let my children sass or disrespect my wife in front of me. Oh, they might do it behind my back, but my wife would tell them your dad is going to find out about this when he gets home and they would straighten up in a hurry.
Remember to take the road of unity as it applies to your child’s teachers and coaches. All to often I have seen parents take the side of the child and verbalize their dissatisfaction for a teacher or coach in front of that child. Your child will take your dissatisfaction and translate it as disrespect in the classroom or team environment.
Blessings till next time!
Christopher
